I have traveled on American for almost 30 years. I have flown almost 10 million miles with them. I have the highest status within their customer base. And I pity the person who is lower than me.

You can be sitting in first class and at best you get a 50/50 chance of the crew being civil and not pithy. Again what happens at the back of "bus" must be even worse.

I had a two hour flight  yesterday and I flew in coach. I always fly coach on short flights.

The first thing I got was a heavy man, sitting next to me, whose shoulders so engulfed me that my body was pressed against the window and I had no arm rest. I don't have any issue with someone's weight, but I do think airlines should make them pay for two seats.

The second thing I did, was stick out my arms which were numb and picked up AmericanWay for some light reading. I was dumbstruck. They named the top 10 best pizza parlors  in the country. Now mind you I don't like pizza and have never had a piece of it in my life. But what amazed me is that instead of the magazine - pointing out places where they fly the most - they actually tried to insult a customer from Chicago.

Number 1 was New Jersey - I get it, I watched Sapranos. Number 2 was New York - again I got it - the birthplace of pizza from Italian immigrants. But the 3rd was in Denver. The 4th was in Tempe. The 5th was in San Francisco. The 6th was Boca Raton ..... and the 10th was ... Zachary's Chicago Pizza IN OAKLAND CALIFORNIA. Chicago is known for crooked officials and deep dish pizza. Does American think the rest of the country should fly to Oakland to try one of our only two claims to fame?

The third thing that happened on the trip, was to be again reminded, of the problem of business travel in the summer. Amateur hour in the security lines. You can't walk anywhere because amateurs are just standing and not moving - it is like walking an obstacle course. And finally my favorite - the family bringing a tiny baby on a plane trip and crying the whole way. We have had 4 tiny babies who are now 14 through 26. We never sent a crying baby on a plane. But today's parents, are not only not concerned with other people on the plane, but are happily encouraging the crying. Way to go new parents - you are really getting them ready for the real world some day.

American you continue to suck worse every year.

Also your "newest" fliers not only drive me away, but their codling probably ensures they will be pressing a skinny guy like me 20 years from now.

By that time I will certainly not be a customer.

If the "Onion" does not lampoon you, expect me to in the future.