Vatican Swiss Guard On High Alert For Anti Matter Bomb 

A more media savvy Fr. Lombardi, Director of the Holy See Press Office, tells reporters the Vatican is on the lookout for new incendiary devices, the Illuminati and Ron Howard, ahead of the Papal Conclave.

Fashion Question – Can The New Pope Wear White Before Easter

The paparazzi, while understanding the need to elect a Pope before Holy Week, nonetheless are trying to reconcile practical reality with traditional pre-Easter social norms.

World's Wealthy Reportedly Blowing $15 Trillion On U.S. Treasuries Yielding 1.8%

A group of concerned U.S. citizens, fearful of the national debt, are trying to come to grips with the "crazy" actions of the world's wealthy. "Just who are these wealthy people that think they are smarter than us".

Obama Slams Dennis Rodman's North Korea Visit

As a ravid Chicago Bulls fan, anti-Neocon, and radical Socialist, Obama draws a painful line in the snow, between his passions and U.S. security. 

Jeb Bush Maybe Running For President in 2016

The long-term advocate of undocumented immigrants being eligible for a path to citizenship, now opposes it, placing himself to the right of John McCain, Lindsey Graham and Marco Rubio, showing he is seriously considering running for the GOP nomination by rejecting "big tent" policies to better ensure the GOP tradition of losing general elections.

Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez Is Really Getting Better

Analysts note that terms like "cancer and "death" in Cuba are a red herring; noting Castro's bout with inoperable cancer has been going on for almost a decade.

John McCain and Lindsey Graham Are Playing The Game "Risk" Too Often

The two strong supporters of maintaining a large defense budget, cite the need for enough troops to attack Kamchatka from the Western United States.

Mitt and Ann Romney Blame The Majority Of Americans For Their Defeat

The one-time presidential candidate and his wife, in a telling interview with Chris Wallace, admit they still believe Romney should have won, citing an unprecedented conspiracy of voters that disagreed.

Michelle Obama Reported To Be Considering Joining "American Idol"

The first lady, after investing in a new haircut with bangs, and bombing at the Oscars, is considering a job where celebrities admit they are washed up.