Dear John,
I am writing you a letter. I hope you can share it with other Christians. I have grown tired of people using my name in vain. I will try to be "hip" and give you my "top ten". David Letterman uses it. If I was petty, I would remind you, that there were ten commandments too. But I digress.
1. The Gospels - My words are a tiny fraction of the Gospels. The rest of the words were man-made to serve the needs of people to gain power. Have you ever read the Book of Revelations? It all sounds crazy, until you realize the writer was talking about the Roman Empire.
2. What I Said - Love your enemies. Treat others as you would want to be treated. Politicians lord over people. Worldly gain is not spiritual gain. God loves everyone.
3. Christian Religions - Lay off Mitt Romney. From the Roman Catholic Church to Mormonism; organized religion is only valuable, as long as it can speak my message, in a way that more people can follow my words. See "What I Said" above.
4. Knock off Tebowing - Contrary to popular belief, I don't care about football. Furthermore I never told people to worship me. I only told them to follow what I said. I don't mind people making the sign of the cross. But Tebowing? Kind of creepy.
5. Knock off Demagoguery - Love you enemies. Don't deport them. Unless their name is Sarah Palin.
6. Knock off Deportation - I said treat others as you would like to be treated. If you don't want to be deported; don't deport people that are not white. I was not white for peat's sake.
7. Knock off Tax Breaks For The Rich - I don't know how I could have been clearer. It's not like I said the "rich will inherit heaven". Jesus Christ already.
8. Legalize Pot For God's Sake - I once had to tell my followers, that I was not John the Baptist, after I was high from wine. Don't be a hypocrite. The only reason pot is not legal, is because the U.S. does not make the best pot. The U.S. makes great beer and cigarettes. They are both more dangerous than pot. They just happen to make American companies rich. Rule of thumb - if it grows organically - and is not processed - I put it on the earth for a reason. Jeez. Even if you don't like it John; there are other people who lead normal life's, that do.
9. Don't Listen To Mega-Chuches and Pat Robertson - Roman Catholics and Mormons use their money to comfort the sick and the dying. Mega-churches and Pat Robertson use their money on themselves. Talk about Anti-Christs!
10. Don't Mix Me With Politics - Render onto Caesar what is Caesar; and unto God what is God. Two separate things people. Beware of using my name for political gain.
I am not sure why I gave my life, two-thousand years ago, to have my mission misconstrued. Hit the reset button please. And by the way JJ; I am tired of you only praying for Newt Gingrich to be defeated. I admit I gave in on Michele Bachmann. But that was the last time. I mean it!
J.C
If you are new to this blog, my "New Laws", are original satire, modeling after Bill Maher's "New Rules". The only difference, is I don't have a staff writing the punch lines.
New Law - Bring Back Poll Tests - Before the Voting Rights Act, southern states used to have poll taxes and tests to ensure only white people could vote. I am no racial bigot; but I am an unabashed anti-stupid bigot. I don't as much not trust the government; as I don't trust stupid voters. My first question would be: are you a member of the Tea Party or Occupy Wall Street? First disqualification. Then I would ask each voter, have they read the positions of each candidate? If not, the second disqualification. This would shorten the voting booth lines dramatically. It would only consist of me and my readers.
New Law - The Kardashians Must Be Deported. Who are the Kardashians anyway? All I know, is they take up too much space in the news. Note to self - add a third question at the polls. If your last name is Kardashian or follow the news of the Kardashians, you are disqualified.
New Law - Meteorology Must Be More Accurate Than The Farmer's Almanac - Meteorology scientists and the Farmer's Almanac both predicted Chicago would have a brutally cold and snowy winter. Instead it has been so warm, that I don't have any snow on my lawn and my grass is greener than in the summer. If I wanted this kind of bad advice; I would do it the old fashioned way: reading my horoscope.
New Law - Smart Phones Must Have A Phone App - Have you ever seen how ridiculous people look holding electronic bricks to their ear? I have to constantly move my "brick" from my ear to my mouth and back and forth to have a phone conversation. I guess playing "Angry Birds" is more important that a phone conversation. Is it too much to ask for a smart phone to include a flip phone? I noticed in the history books that they used to make phones with enough curve to talk and listen at the same time. See Alexander Bell. Or better yet, for you conspiracy theorists, see Innocenzo Manzetti.
New Law - Obama Can't Say "Let Me Be Clear" - As opposed to what? Party cloudy. "Let me be clear" is the 21st century version of another irritating verbal pause: "To be honest with you". Obama just should say "Here is what I am proposing even though I know it will never happen". That is crystal clear and honest.
Finally New Law - Getting Rid Of Obama Is Not A Political Plank. First Mitch McConnell, than the GOP presidential nominees and recently a Tea Party congressman from Illinois. America needs solutions. It does not need another reality show "Survivor". You would think, there is only Obama, standing between everyone surviving on the island. Having said that, I am completely comfortable using "getting rid of Nancy Pelosi" as a political plank.
Priebus: Obama is our Captain Schettino - The RNC Chairman compared Obama to the Captain of the wrecked Costa Concordia cruise ship. Hah? The Clinton and Bush administrations led to the economy capsizing in 2008. If you are complaining he hasn't built a new cruise ship fast enough, that is one thing. But blaming him for the wreck?
Gingrich's Remarks After Church - A Catholic church? No it was a Baptist church. Hah? I thought Newt was a devoted Roman Catholic. Hypocrite. The Roman Catholic Church. Just how much money does it cost to become a Catholic after divorcing two times anyways?
Allen West To Democrats: Florida Ain't On The Table, Get The Hell Out Of America. Hah? Big words from a freshman congressman from Florida. I get that he wants his party to win Florida. What I don't get, is why he is telling millions of people to go to hell? I am sure Martin Luther King is asking the same thing in Heaven? This is what MLK marched and died for? An Uncle Tom making Rush Limbaugh wince?
Santorum: "We're Still In This Race" - Hah? So were the Chicago Cubs in the pennant race last June. Being in the race and winning are two different things. The odds of Santorum winning are, well, the odds of the Cubs winning a World Series after 1908. Zero.
The Bipartisan Myth - Hah? Since when did anyone think there was ever bipartisanship? I have only seen it once in my life-time. When Ronald Reagan used the oval office to make him more popular to Democrats than Democratic congressman. Congressman vote by somebody telling them what to vote for. That is either their party's leadership or their constituents. Bipartisanship only can happen with a president that strongly leads and communicates effectively to people in their homes.
Pro Bowl - Hah? More like a Goof-Around Bowl. Little contact. Gentle tackling. Guys running around backward and laughing about it. What is the point?
Me: Happy Birthday
Earth: Thank You.
Me: How are you feeling?
Earth: Just like anyone who is half way through life
Me: What do you make of the times we live in?
Earth: Sorry, remind me, which mutation are you again.
Me. A human being.
Earth: A what?
Me: I am one of seven billion Homo Sapiens
Earth: Now I remember; sorry I have seen a lot of life forms come and go.
Me: So again, what do you think of the times we live in?
Earth: Pretty boring.
Me: Aren't you scared of high fossil fuel prices?
Earth: No. I was around, when swamp land covered the earth for hundreds of millions of years. Wet and rotting vegetation under pressure created all fossil fuels. If it took hundreds of millions of years, to create something; I think your mutation is either not intelligent enough or arrogant, to believe you can deplete the work of millions of years in two hundred messily years. Can't you guys divide?
Me: What about global warming?
Earth: What global warming?
Me: You warming up because we are burning fossil fuels.
Earth: I think you should be more worried about the next ice age. Every 20,000 years, since continental drift formed Panama, and changed ocean currents, there are new ones.
Me: So you don't mind us burning fossil fuels?
Earth: Have at it. You can burn as much as you like. It isn't going to make one iota of difference. Just make sure you tell your future inhabitants to buy real estate in Mexico. Glaciers will be tall enough to cover all of Manhattan's sky scrappers and will cover most of America.
Me: Most of America??
Earth: Yes. Trying picking up a book once in a while. Check out past glaciers on a map. You are living in the ice ages. You just happen to be living during a middle of one of them.
Me: What's will your future look like?
Earth. Well as long as I have a molten mantle, continental drift will be my only form of entertainment. When there is no molten mantle, continental drift will end and I will be as dead as my friend Mars.
Me: What about us?
Earth: What about you?
Me: What do you think our future will look like?
Earth: Hard to say. I have seen life forms come and go. Every hear about a "Black Swan"?
Me: The book?
Earth: No stupid. I am talking about cataclysmic events like a meteor hitting the earth every 100 million years ago. They are black swans. They are out there; you just don't know when they will happen.
Me: Are you scared of a meteor hitting the earth?
Earth: No. I have been around 4.5 billion years. When the next meteor hits me, they destroy most species that thought they "were all that". As for me, I enjoy the debris, covering me up in a blanket of dirt, and burying irritating mutations like you.
Me: Well thanks for talking to me, I guess
Earth: The next time I will talk about your mutation is when someone digs up your bones. You will not be here then. But I will be.
Broken State of The Union Promises of Last Five Presidents - I skipped it. How do you know a politician is lying? When they open their mouth. How do you know when a politician is lying the most? Watching them talk for more than an hour without a break.
No GOP Candidate visits a Florida Food Bank - I skipped it. No votes in there. Nothing to add that can help them, besides "we need less taxes to get you back to work fella".
Palin calls Newt Gingrich Criticism Stalin-esque - I skipped it. There is no more knowledgable Kremlin expert than Palin. I have never seen Putin fly over my state. Have you? I thought so.
EU Rejects Proposal to Take Control of Greek's Budget - I skipped it. I am sure that the above-mentioned food bank in Florida would not take over the Greek's budget EITHER. Although I will be on the hunt to see if my local Greek-owned 24 hour diner can take control of Greece. The restaurant has been around longer than I have been alive. Great service. Packed. Lines waiting. Consistent food. Happy customers. Lives within their means. FORGET THAT. I will wait I see if my local Greek-owned 24 diner can take control of America's budget.
Apple Responds to Report of Horrific Working Conditions - I skipped it. I just assumed Apple promised that their Chinese workers would spend their off-time cleaning up the mess they left on their last 12-hour shift.
Arab League Mission Halts Syrian Mission after Reports of 130 Deaths in 24 hours. I skipped it. The Arab League is not the U.N or Red Cross. The Arab League sent advisers to Syria so that they could convince their own people they cared about a humanitarian cause. They were not there to fix a problem. And they were not there to put themselves in any danger.
Tiger Woods Game is Back - I skipped it. But I must admit I was relieved. No more worrying about Tiger after two long years. Hopefully this will be the kind of break in anxiety this poor country needs right now.
Finally The Headline I Wanted to Read - The logic of primaries and debates is darwinism eventually separates the week from the strong. But isn't darwinism and today's GOP politics an oxymoron? The GOP does not believe in evolution. So they should skip the debates and primaries and wait for God to tell them who will be their nominee. Or just ask Pat Robertson who God told him was going to be the nominee.
BTW, Can Newt Gingrich's third wife be our nation's first lady? Talk amongst yourselves.
The State of The Union was a story of a President failing to unite a nation. Obama's words rang hallow, poor John Boehner was imprisoned sitting behind him, having to be a puppet of the opposition and Joe Biden fell asleep at the switch. Don't take my word for it; see that the State of the Union and Mitch Daniel's rebuttal have had a tremendous amount of YouTube hits.
But the following clip of Gabby Giffords, resigning to John Boehner, only has a lousy 2,000 hits. Please watch the following video. You will see and be inspired how for a minute and a half, the American Congress was in communion. You will see an American hero. You will also see that John Boehner is a good man; with an impossible job.
Japan. 1980's xenophobia that they were taking over. Then suddenly, 1990 - 2002; lost decades. It started with real estate speculation. Due to demographics and a small amount of land mass; too many old people, who need social safety nets, outweigh a younger population to support them. They have more than twice the amount of national debt to GDP (gross national product). Interest rates have been low, because 95% of their debt, is owned by their savings-culture population. Aging demographics, though, are quickly turning their population into net spenders. There are not enough younger people to buy their sovereign bonds. And there is no land to supplement with immigration.
Europe. The Euro became a threat to U.S. dollar supremacy in the 2000s. The Euro went, from less than a 1:1 value-to-the dollar; to 60% more valuable to the dollar in ten years. Then it plunged. Their aging demographics can't keep up with their social safety nets. They don't have enough land mass to fix the problem with immigration. Their people density is 3X the U.S.
America. We owe one-times the amount of our GDP. Our age demographics skew against our social safety nets. Like Japan, we have had a lost decade of little economic growth. In 2008, the country imploded from a real estate bubble. We have the same problems, that Japan and Europe have.
But we have the landmass to support 3X the amount of citizens. We draw the best-and-brightest to our shores because of the world's best universities. These "smart immigrants" want to stay. We tell them they need to leave. All we have to do - and what Japan and Europe can't do - is let them stay. We can balance our budget by letting smart immigrants become tax payers. We can fix our real estate problem by having 3X the demand for housing. We have all the tools to ensure prosperity - though a smart immigration policy - because immigrant's are attracted to, the great "melting pot" of America.
We either can make an unforced error and become another Japan and Europe. Or we can use our unique strengths, to easily transcend our weaknesses. Be you a conservative or a liberal or an independent; there is no issue more important to our economic future than immigration reform.
Stop listening to sound bites. Demand rational immigration reform plans before giving people your vote. If you don't - even though we have all the tools to not become Japan or Europe - we will all lose!
All you need to know, about the state of the union, was to watch three bobble heads.
Obama Bobble Head - If 2008 Obama was an Rorschach Test, 2012 Obama is a presidential hologram. Obama tried to inner-channel JFK and Reagan. The words were there; but the inspiration was lacking. Maybe a hologram is not exactly the right metaphor. Perhaps an impersonator and a comedian. I can't tell Obama from the people who impersonate him. Also, I have seen him do stand up comedy. He is pretty good at it. During his speech, I expected him, to break into a Jon Stewart smile, and deliver a punch line. "We can come together!. And maybe pigs will fly". Ha Ha!
John Boehner Bobble Head - Poor John Boehner. He looked like a prostitute in church. He tried to keep a straight face. But every time Obama delivered a applause line, he had to look at the inmates who run his asylum, to see if he should clap. Unfortunately there are a lot of inmates to watch. That meant Boehner eyes were constantly panning 180-degrees. Essssh!
Joe Biden Bobble Head - Joe take a nap please. Not exactly comforting, to see you constantly, rubbing your eyes to stay awake. Do you nod off because you are too old? Or do you nod off, to make Obama look like a better alternative? OMG!
A presidential impersonator, a hollow Speaker of the House and a sleepy Vice President. Not exactly comforting. But totally representative of a sorry state of the union.
How can a man thrice divorced and disgraced by ethics violations win? By playing the prejudice card in southern evangelical states. Gingrich won South Carolina, because he played the repentant sinner, non-Mormon and race card. White crackers in the south, eat up inflammatory prejudice, eat up anybody other than Mitt Romney and eat up a white attack dog to beat Obama, by going straight at, their real issue with Obama; he is black.
That is all you have to know about South Carolina and how he will plan to take Romney all the way to the convention. By winning southern states using the same South Carolina strategy.
In the meantime, Romney will have to expend more energy and money to win the nomination. Serious Republican's are giving 50-50 odds, there will be a brokered convention. Romney's will have to move to the extreme right to have a chance. In the meantime; this will make his historical moderate policies, political fodder for Obama's general election attack ads, that will suggest he is a flip-flopper.
The GOP needs to get their act together and fast. Every month that this silly nomination process goes on, just gives more time, for Obama to stay above the fray.
Playing the prejudice card maybe good for Newt Gingrich. But there is no sugar-coating the state of the nomination; it is playing itself all the way to a GOP defeat, by Obama getting to run to the center, where the independents are.
The GOP is in the process of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. If they do, it will seem totally predictable. The GOP is just "not into Romney". The GOP ran a bad field of candidates. There was a reason, that more electable candidates like Chris Christy, Mitch Daniel and Jeb Bush decided to take a pass in 2012. They knew that Obama had at least a 50% chance of winning reelection. Chris Christy is running for Vice President, so he can be the 2016 nominee. Ask other defeated Vice President nominees how that worked. Mitch Daniels and Bush are waiting their turns, by staying safely on the side lines.
This is an unforced error by the GOP. The fact, that they have not developed a deep bench, will be their 2012 undoing. Without a strong candidate, they have only one real choice. Run to the far right of their party to excite their base. Only to lose the only group that makes a difference in the general election; the 40-plus percent of people who are independents.
Don't believe me? Well, Obama now has a 55.6% chance to win reelection, according to real money betting on InTrade. That is significantly higher, from just over 50%, before the Iowa caucuses. Like business, follow the money. The people betting, are seeing the same problem, I am seeing in the GOP. And InTrade is not affected by the "closet Obama" voting effect.
You may have read, about a testy exchange between Obama and Steve Jobs, in the later's biography. In the biography, it was said, that Jobs and Obama "sparred" over Apple's lack of manufacturing in America.
Well, the NY Times broke a story Sunday, that expounded on the testy exchange. Obama asked Jobs about bringing back manufacturing to America. Jobs said "they are not coming back". And that was it.
American high technology manufacturing is an oxymoron. High technology manufacturing requires adaptable manufacturing and supply chains that are incredibly short. If you wan't to make a automobile; you can do it in America. That is because an automobile's manufacturing, supply chains and assembly; only change once a year. But competitive, high technology innovators, requires downstream supply chains that can adapt lightning fast. What looks competitive last month; looks archaic a month later.
The tale of iPhone manufacturing is telling. There are whole dormitory towns in China; that locate high technology supplies, manufacturing and assemblies within a campus. When the iPhone, at the last minute, had to go out with a glass display; the call went out to China. Within days; a Chinese dormitory town, started cutting the glass, re-hualed assembly and started pumping out millions of iPhones. They could do it, in part, because all of their labor was "inventoried" into dormitories. The cost of labor is not the point. The central availability of labor was critical. Once a new specification came out, for building the iPhone, their workers labored 12 hours a day, six days a week, to make it happen.
The only American equivalent of something like that, is early 20th century manufacturing towns. You may have heard of a resort in Wisconsin. It is called Kohler. Yes the same name, as the water appliance company. Well, the resort; it's rooms, it's dining facilities and it's landmass, were once used as a dormitory, like the Chinese high tech dormitories. Men worked for a wage, and their living expenses were covered.
Was Kohler right or wrong 100 years ago. There is no right or wrong - or moralism - in business. But I can tell you, it befit the times and immigrants were happy to work there. These immigrant's children benefited, by the money coming back to them.
Why, I am bringing this up? Lets say, someone's great grandfather worked at Kohler. Then someone's grandfather was able to work for the post office. Then someone's father was able to have middle class trade job. And someone now, reading this, has a college degree. And their children are coming out of college. Who would man high technology dormitories, even if we built them?
High technology manufacturing is different from innovation. Innovation begets the need for manufacturing; not the other way around. Innovation and their unique value creators earn all of the money. High technology manufacturing work force must be hungry enough to put up with what is takes; to fulfill hyper competition between innovators. There is business in fulfillment; but not a lot of money in it. Two different things.
If you wanted to bring high technology manufacturing to America; you would need a drastically different immigrant policy. You not only, would need immigrants, who would be willing to live in dormitories; but you would need enough manufacturing engineers to run these centers. The U.S. does not have enough of both. As to the former, they are similar jobs that go wanting today, with less commitment than a "dormitory", because there are too many people, five-times generationally removed from working in Kohler. As to the latter, we don't do "engineers". That is a problem, if you don't have a drastically different immigration policy.
I continue to believe, that we need a "smart immigration" policy. I believe that we have the landmass, to support turning every "smart immigrant" that matriculates from our universities; into guaranteed citizens. I believe that the policy should err on the side of "smart", as in innovators. Innovators who pay taxes. Innovators who will increase demand for housing to help stabilize price. Innovators that hire people.
I don't advocate, mollifying people's questions like " how do we bring American high tech manufacturing back" ? The answer of course, is we can. But if the goal is to increase median income; then the goal should be to increase "smart" innovation and unique value creation per capita. That can only be done through education reform and a "smart immigration" policy.
